10 places to hang out in San Diego if you hate kidsDid I say hate? Maybe you don't hate ankle biters, maybe you just like your nieces but think all other children are shrieking migraine-makers. In any case, San Diego is a family destination so you are bound to run into a triple stroller or two. Unless you're strategic. If you plan ahead, you just might have a bonafide boozy beach vacation without getting caught in the middle of a single tantrum.
1. Omni La Costa Resort & Spa
You could get a steal of a deal on a room in Hotel Circle, or you could splurge on a room at the Omni in Carlsbad. Splurge. Always splurge. There is an adults-only pool, so you won't get splashed by a cannon ball or hit in the face with a pool noodle while you're trying to get an even tan.
2. La Jolla Arclight
This isn't a regular movie theater. This is a movie theater that sells cocktails and beer and lets you get hammered while you watch your flick. They even have a signature martini. Because they're serious. Shows with booze are 21+ only, so you don't even have to worry about some irresponsible parent bringing their toddler in.
3. Park & Rec
You could get tanked at a local arcade but then you'd be "making a scene in front of the children" and be asked to "leave immediately." Head to this bar in University Heights instead, where you can fill up on Happy Hour Moscow Mules and play with the giant Connect Four set.
4. Black's Beach
What do Mission Beach, Ocean Beach, and Coronado Beach have in common? They are filled with children kicking up sand while you're just trying to get discretely day drunk in peace. Over at Black's
Beach, you'll run into fewer children for one simple reason: A parade of wrinkly dongs. For about one mile south of Flatrock Point, the beach is clothing-optional and it attracts a lot of older, free-spirited types.
5. Catamaran Spa
Spas are universally kids-free, and this joint is top tier. Massages, facials, hydrotherapy. All on the beach. They also have a private hot tub. I'm not sure what the "rituals" on the menu are all about, but it sounds fun and you're on vacation so just pony up and try one.
6. Temecula wine tasting
Wine country is just an hour away, and you can rent a party bus to get there. Or, you can always take a quick over-night to Temecula and Lyft your way from winery to winery. Tasting rooms in these parts are generous with their pours and Maurice Car'rie Winery has a brie cheese sour dough bread thing that will have you moaning inappropriately. Whatever, you'll never see these people again.
7. Mister A's
I can't promise you won't find a single kid here, but it's an expensive spot with incredible views of downtown. It's a third date kind of place. Maybe a few business deals being closed at a corner table. What I'm saying is not many people are paying for this experience or wasting the view on a night out with the kids.
8. Camp No Kids
Sometimes the name just says it all. It's camp. There are no kids. If you were the kid in braces who always got stuck in the leaky canoe way back when, it's time to redeem yourself. This yearly event in Chula Vista is only for 21+. You'll do typical camp stuff like camp fires, but you'll also do adulty stuff like yoga and wine tasting. You could rent a cabin but you'll splurge for the glamping tent, because duh.
This North Park drag show venue has been entertaining crowds for years. The ladies are fierce and the drinks are good and there is glitter. All the glitter. Make a reservation (no, really, it's required. I don't make the rules). Needless to say, things get rowdy and you won't find any annoying kids here. Just annoying drunk bachelorettes.
10. Hot tub boat
Is it a boat? Is it a hot tub? It's both *mind explodes*. Rent one of these bad boys with 7 of your closest friends and cruise around Mission Bay. Don't worry, there is also a full deck so you don't have to soak for 2 full hours.
Lara Vukelich is a freelance writer in San Diego who only likes her friends' kids and has never met a glass of Moscato in Temecula she didn't like.